so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
