They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
