She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
