I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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