1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What drink are we having for lunch?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
