forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
