So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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