I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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