Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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