White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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