Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
