Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
