Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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