4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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