just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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