Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
