Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
