My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
