i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
