He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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