New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
