I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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