bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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We're too hungover to prance.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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