I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
