Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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