i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
