Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
