You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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