She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
