The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its not stalking. its research.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
