apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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