I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
