I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
