Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
