just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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