i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
