four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
