i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
