my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
