I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
