the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
