Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your penis caused this!