I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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