It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
