Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.