she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
