When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
