from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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