I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
