note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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