I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
