What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
