Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
