Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
