Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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