So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
