Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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