she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
