Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
