apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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