i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
