Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
