you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
