Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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